What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
