dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
