Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
