We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
