tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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