it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
