i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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