sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
