Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
