Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
