so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
