out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
