So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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