our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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