Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
