Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
