In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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