i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
