Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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