You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
