eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
