I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
