Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
