RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
