Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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