OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
