Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
