Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
