Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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