I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
