no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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