It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
