When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
