you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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