I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
