hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
