member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
