He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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