I'm gonna have a badass scar
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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