I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
