i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
