my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
