I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
