peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
