would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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