You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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