if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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