Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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