Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
