You smell like stripper and shame
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its liver damage thursday
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
