My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
