is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
