operation have a gay friend backfired
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
