That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
