Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
