We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
