My balls are so social today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
