i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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