Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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